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FEATURE: What Powers Would Kirby Gain If He Ate These 6 Anime Characters

Kirby and the Forgotten Land

Image via Nintendo

 

Ahh, Kirby. Since he first came crashing onto our screens 30 years ago, he has been floating, chomping, and "poyo-ing"(which I assure you is a real word) to his heart’s merry content.

 

Now that Kirby and the Forgotten Land has hit the Nintendo Switch, his arsenal has become more robust than ever, thus taking him one sizable step closer to becoming a nigh-unstoppable machine of consumption and squishiness.

 

Should he want to add a few more feathers to his cap, the world of anime has a few potential meal candidates that would appeal to even the most finicky gourmand.

 

Let’s explore some of the abilities that would really take the cake. And yes, Kirby will eat this metaphorical cake as well, in case you were wondering.

 

Eren Jaeger (Attack on Titan)

Copy Ability: Titan Form

 

Eren Attack on Titan

 

What happens when a gaming legend famed for his eating prowess gains the power to become a ravenous Titan? Most assuredly, absolute mayhem and very few survivors.

 

Entire levels spent precariously drifting through the air would be made exponentially swifter thanks to the spectacular stride distance of the Attack Titan, alongside the capability to harden when things look dire. And hey! He can even unlock the memories of his predecessors — an existential nightmare for most, but Kirby is the ultimate keeper of secrets. Goodness only knows what’s going on behind that cheery smile.

 

Even better, should Titan Kirby happen upon one of the other Nine Titans, he could theoretically consume them too, expanding his move set even further. Have you ever thought about what Kirby would look like with the fleshy, exposed face of the Colossal Titan?

 

It’s horrifying. I love it.

 

Toge Inumaki (JUJUTSU KAISEN)

Copy Ability: Cursed Speech

 

Inumaki JUJUTSU KAISEN

 

Longtime Kirby aficionados would be familiar with the destructive power of his Mike ability. Using only the projected power of his voice, Kirby could clear entire screens of enemies. Combine that with the additional pliability of Cursed Speech, and the bad guys would be better off calling in sick for the day.

 

Whatever specific instruction he commands becomes reality, whether it is for them to blast away, to twist violently, or to turn into a delicious plate of strangozzi al tartufo nero. That last one hasn’t necessarily been put into action, but it’s important to dream big. And expensive.

 

Obviously, effective application of this would require Kirby to increase his limited vocabulary, so this one is a definite work in progress for the time being. Alternatively, he could opt to devour Mai Zenin. For her neutral special, she wields a gun.

 

Kazuma Kuwabara (Yu Yu Hakusho)

Copy Ability: Spirit Sword

 

Yu Yu Hakusho

 

Sure, it may be tempting to consider Yusuke Urameshi for the main course, but one must be pragmatic when they are deciding which protagonist to gobble up. Yusuke’s Spirit Gun has only got so many shots available and perhaps isn’t best suited for the long haul.

 

Conversely, the blazing Spirit Sword of loveable lug Kazuma has impressive lasting power, and I cannot help but think that he would possess a much more pleasant flavor. Mulberry, perchance?

 

Should Kirby be especially lucky, he’ll even garner a heightened awareness of Reiki, allowing him to harness his spiritual powers in fantastic new ways. And a pompadour! Actually, if he just ends up with the pompadour and nothing else in this exchange, it could still be called a raging success.

 

Marin Kitagawa (My Dress-Up Darling)

Copy Ability: Cosplay

 

Marin Kitagawa My Dress-Up Darling

 

Arguably, this is something that Kirby has been doing every time he dons a fancy new hat anyway. Gobbling up Marin Kitagawa would just take things up a notch, allowing his innate otaku to flourish.

 

Instantly, he would be adorned in flowing, ornate gowns and meticulously crafted headpieces that channel the sure-handed creative genius of Wakana Gojo himself. Eager bystanders will come flocking for a photo. Kirby will respond with a cheerful “hiiiiiii.” He will likely eat them all.

 

The only potential drawback of this ability would be the maneuverability limitations that come with such elaborate cosplay. You think the little guy tripped a lot in Super Smash Bros. Brawl? Just wait until he’s decked out in full Black Lobelia attire.

 

Tetsuya Kuroko (Kuroko’s Basketball)

Copy Ability: Misdirection

Tetsuya Kuroko Kuroko's Basketball

 

The odds of Kirby getting his hands on this ability — if he even has anything that could qualify as hands — are unfathomably low. Some might appraise Tetsuya Kuroko to be a rare spawn, only briefly surfacing from the shadows before returning to the ether from whence he came.

 

In actual fact, he was probably standing right next to you for about five minutes. He even said hello, you just never noticed. Rude!!

 

This is the power of Misdirection, and it surpasses even Kirby’s lauded Ninja ability for its stealth. He may have completed the level, found every collectible or even started a New Game + and his foes are none the wiser.

 

He probably moves the ball really well, too, but King Dedede is not a suitable recipient for the Ignite Pass.

 

He probably moves the ball really well, too, but King Dedede is not a suitable recipient for the Ignite Pass.

 

Tohru (Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid)

Copy Ability: Delicious Tail

 

Tohru Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid

 

Trying to narrow down the expertise of this mighty disciple of the Chaos Faction is no small feat. Should Kirby somehow ingest Tohru, he could theoretically breathe fire, shapeshift, turn invisible, and/or regenerate in mere seconds.

 

Or instead of all that, and stay with me here, he could sprout … a scrumptious tail.

 

Despite the protestations of Miss Kobayashi, Tohru’s tail is allegedly quite delicious, and our dude Kirby is a sucker for the snacks. For him to be able to grow and devour his own tail for all eternity is a gift that would blow his tiny little mind.

 

Hopefully, it isn’t actually as poisonous as Tohru claims, otherwise, this ability would necessitate pairing with some kind of antidote, or at the very least, a strong antacid.

 

Of course, this is only a sampler platter of anime characters. Crunchyroll is your home for the ripest, most succulent heroes and villains just waiting for your consumption — come on y’all, the word crunchy is literally in the name.

 

Make sure to sound off in the comments with other characters you think Kirby should add to the menu. Dinner is served!!

Source: Crunchyroll

Izanami

“If you’re not remembered, then you never existed.”

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